every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
