and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
