ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
