4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
