No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
