I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
