Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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