I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
