I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
