I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
