Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
