Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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