His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
