Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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