community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
