party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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