glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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