You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
