If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
