I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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