Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
