I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
