wake up i wanna do it froggy style
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
where am i from again
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
