just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
