I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
