Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
