I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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