Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
