I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
