Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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