Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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