If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
