Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
