I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
