I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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