Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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