dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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