I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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