he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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