Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
