i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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