I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
