You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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