Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
