The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
