Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
