It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
