i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
