tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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