Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
